Friday, October 13, 2006

The Line

Where would one put the line?

I speak of my current predicament in looking for a future spouse. I'm relatively certain that I could have a good marriage with any one of a number of women I've known. Sometimes it almost seems depressing to see how many incredible women there are out there.

Looking at myself and other men and comparing such with the women of today and the ratio of really good women to really good men is so out of balance. So many women it seems will have such a hard time getting the man the deserve, while if a man has any amount of intelligence and decency it seems rather easy for such to find an incredible woman.

Is it wrong to take advantage of such a "man's market"? A situation in which the men can find a quality woman with more ease than a woman can find a quality man.

Saturday, May 20, 2006


With respect to women I feel that "beauty" is both broad and narrow all at once. I mean the more women I meet and come to know the greater the variety of beauty I see, often in forms and manifestations I'd not previously conceived of. And yet it's still such a narrow item for it truly has it's demanded specifics. I thank God that I'm blessed with my perspective, and that he permits me to expand such as I learn more about women and meet so many of them and am graced by their many manifestations of beauty.

--Still Searching

Saturday, March 04, 2006


Just finished Oliver Twist, the recent cinematic piece. Good movie. I should read the book.

I thought a bit over the concept portrayed in that of love manifested despite dire consequences. I know that it is customary, in the act of exchanging confessions of loyalty, to exchange vows that include the sacrificing of life for the sake of the other.

I think I'm just wishing to express, though I've no specific certain inclination as to with whom I will eventualy exchange vows of such magnitude. I wish to express my hope and desire and, at the least, professed commitment. It seems when it comes to specifics talk is cheap. I mean I can say all I want about promises or desires as to the extremities I intend to go and the items I'd be willing to sacrifice and, not that the intentions are not real, rather they are simply unproven. I supose I'm just giving a kind of open prayer to God that I'd be willing and capable and prepared to actually walk the walk when the time comes for walking. Both in terms of keeping the commitments I've made to God and those I've made, and intend to make, with who ever my future wife proves to be.

I hope no matter who I become joined to that I will commit myself, in all possible manners in which a fallible mortal can when he seeks the aid of God, when and where he sees fit to magnify it beyond what one like myself is accustomed to receive, to the wonderful woman who's willing to, despite my weaknesses, likewise commit her life.

Such a "for better or for worse" arrangement seems to be mocked and turned on it's head these days, any incling of "for worse" and it seems so many run for the divorce courts.

I'm lucky to have parents who strive to keep their commitments to each other, despite their difficulties as mortals near as weak as myself.

--Still Searching (for Her and for what I need to be and do)

Friday, February 24, 2006

The Force of Nature.

I just had to say how much more I’m convinced that I’m only, at the most, half of myself. I just know from what life’s presented me with so far that man was designed to need a woman. I’m sure there are things that complicate or can misdirect that but I’m certain that we were designed, and not merely in a physical, sexual, biological way to only be complete with the ‘fairer sex’ but that our most inner parts, those parts most tied to our actual beings are directly connected to the need to become one, body, soul, and mind, with a member of the other gender. While it’s a beautiful force it’s also distressingly powerful. There has to be so much power, biologically and spiritually, tied to this potential connection that it’s no wonder that so much of the good and bad of this world stem from good or bad employments of these potential connections. Like all the other forces of nature---Gravity, Electro-magnetism, the Nuclear forces, they all have such a capacity to alter in massive ways our existence. Yet even in the face of all these, love, as it’s either expressed or exerting pressure to be expressed, between the sexes has to be the most powerful force I think I’ve consciously observed. Though the observation has not revealed to me much more than what I’ve gotten out of observing the likes of gravity.

All I can say is that I pray I can receive the strength and capacity from somewhere to keep myself from receiving more harm than good from any certain connection I will engage in with this force.

I sure hope I get better at preparing for and finding a soul mate, or some one who will become such (as I believe it’s not generally something that just pops into being full fledged—certainly with some the seeds of such are a bit more apparent)

--Still Searching

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Imagination and Conviction

It's always a strugle between assurance and caution. I both need to be, and am looking for, a balance between confidence in what is good and right---while still maintaining a flexibility that will not block out future manifestations of truth, whether it is simply the addition of nuance to a previously held item, a complete revamping of the perception of a value previously held, or the entirely new discovery of something. Reminds me of a quote that I believe is vital to all seeking true redemption and salvation, so it's especialy true in the case of companions as a man and a woman need each other, I believe, to truly find a full and lasting redemption, or in any case utter self-completion.

Thy mind, oh man (or woman), if thou wilt lead a man unto salvation, must stretch as high
as the utmost heavens, and search into and contemplate the darkest abyss

--Joseph Smith

--Still Searching

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Perceivable Interest

I will certainly need to notice a degree of interest in me. I've had several interactions, on dates and otherwise, where I simply am incapable of perceiving interest coming from the other direction. I'm certain a great degree of this comes from my ignorance and lack of capacity to differentiate the various signals woman give. I never want to be someone who is oblivious to a girl's lack of interest. I've heard to many girls talk about the creepy guys that wont take a clue. But then I hear about other instances in which a girl does something like freezing up in her interactions because of over excitement. While I honestly have a hard time seeing myself exciting such debilitating excitement in a woman (I'm not ugly but I'm not the paragon of beauty either) I still hold out hope that some beautiful woman (beauty being an all encompasing attribute, while I'd have a hard time fighting hormonal forces I do think I'd be able to resist some stunning super-model who lacked beauty in her personality, even if the impossible occured and she made advances toward me) will, possibly, find me attractive on a sufficient number of levels. So I have this dillema of not wanting to be some creepy, aproaching stalker, guy---but I also don't want to be some spineless jelly that doesn't gain an optimal companionship simply because I'm not sufficiently assertive to demonstrate to some wonderfull woman that I'm willing to "do whatever it takes" for her. I want to be assertive, but not over bearing, so that's helped me determine that I'm going to need a sufficiently warm spark of mutual interest in me. I figure that, if I have a hard time reading, even in the slightest, passed the first couple dates, any significant signal of serious affection, or potential affection, for me, then if the relationship is to go any further she'll need to make it very obvious that that is what she would like.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Help please.

With the awareness of who a few of the readers of this blog are I feel comfortable in asking for a brainstorm of things you would like to do on a date with a guy. Is there anything particular that you've thought would be neat for a first date, or even a twentieth date or whatever. Please give both ideas you would like or those you've heard of that other women have liked or ones you think some women might enjoy.

Thank you in advance.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


I hope to marry someone who is thoroughly active in life, someone willing to have a complete and balanced interplay. I think having such a balance, if I too can gain and maintain such, will help us both endure more together and enjoy the journey more together. I think a large part of it will consist in both of us being easily talked into activities that either of us wouldn’t normally do, if left to our own devices.

I think that the above, if done correctly, would keep us challenged, excited and involved, and perhaps a bit more exhausted at the end of each day.

--Still Searching

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Giddy in Balance and a Lady's Smile

There is something about women that tend, on occasion, to a particular feminine giddiness that, if kept in balance, is terribly attractive. While I hope to find a woman of a deep mind and sound intellect I also hope she'll have a bountiful and balanced share of light hearted giddiness.

I also must, in this next aspect, thank all young and/or attractive women who seemingly smile at a man they don't, or hardly know, in passing. Regardless whether it's in derision, just happenstance, or of divine intention, I must say I've had many a splended day made terribly more happy and joyful by the seeming good natured smile of an attractive woman that I've passed. I don't know if you can comprehend such, just as I'm sure I can't comprehend certain things of your experience. I've passed far too many without asking for a number. How I regret not doing so. How I still cherish the everlasting glow of happiness in my mind that will forever remain due to their simple exertion of expresing their beauty through their smile. I look forward to such a smile in my future wife. If one can make a day, imagine what a life time's worth of such can do for the good of a man's soul.

--Still Searching

Tuesday, January 31, 2006


I remember various discussions in which either women would ask the men, or men would talk 'mongst themselves, to try and discover what individual traits men found attractive in women. I always found it interesting that many men often had specific hair colors, skin tones, heights or other various 'pet' traits. I've generally had a hard time being as specific as I've generally observed other men be. Not that I have a problem with this. It is a bit confusing though. I remember taking some online test that was supposed to tell you what you found attractive in the faces of the other gender. I took it a few times trying to be certain that I didn't hit a fluke on one of the tests (granted this is all assuming that the test was properly put together). While it generally said I had a slight tendency toward both Hispanic and Caucasian the test stated that I still was open to women of all profiles. I don't know what it is, but I find it rather exciting to think that my future wife could be of any combination of traits.

I think what I hope the most is that I do not allow my eyes to overthrow my capacity to view true character. I hope I don't allow my eye for physical beauty to eclipse my capacity to see true beauty or to chose true beauty over simply the superficial hormonal triggers that nature and culture have to a degree embedded in my being.

--Still Searching

Monday, January 30, 2006


This is probably one of the most key traits. I'm not the kind of person that likes to impose on others, but with that said I'm also aware that I have a great many traits that would in all likelihood wear on anyone that I was with for an extended period of time. Many of these traits I've tried, am trying to change, but I lack a great deal in coming even close to squashing them all.

I'm not very orderly. This can, at times, degenerate into me neglecting my surroundings to the point of what many others would consider utter chaos. As touching myself, I've adapted fairly well to surviving in this rather well. Not to say I always live in a mess but I certainly don't always live in immaculate cleanliness. So I hope either I am reborn as to things concerning order on the scale of personal items or that I find a woman willing to kindly but firmly help me to change this habit.

With that said I'm certain that there are many a more items that I'm not even yet privy to that I need to improve. I either hope she is patient with my ignorance or patient in informing me and helping me to change.

I'm also a dunce when it comes to purchasing clothing. She'll have to patiently help me, or patiently bare my inaptitude when it comes to style.

Most of all I hope she'll be patient with my capacity to provide for our family. I will do all in my power to ensure we have the necessities of life. But I have neither the insane talent nor willingness to compromise morals to ensure an abundance of monetary wealth.

I'm certain there are a great many other things concerning myself, and the condition of the family, that will demand patience. I hope often times that she will be capable and willing to be the primary anchor of such patience.

I also stink at spelling.

--Still Searching

Friday, January 27, 2006


Absurd, isn't it? To expect perfection. Heck for me to even expect what I've been putting up here while I'm in my sorry state of existence could be, in the eyes of just about any person with an inkling of rational, reason sufficient to laugh me to scorn.

What makes me think I deserve even a woman who's closer to it than I am or striving for it?

I think that's the point. I've been told by many to "marry up," that being to marry someone better than myself. It's something I'd love to, and plan on, doing, in all honesty. But the thing is that this presents the previously mentioned problem of actually finding a soul willing to inhibit aspects of their growth and progression for companionship with me AND the problem of going about such a daunting venture of finding such a person filled with mercy. But I think that's what is intended by the system and the way it's been set up. I don't think any of us are really 'worthy', in and of our selves, for the person that God would have us be with (that statement is assuming that we have one select person, I don't believe that to be the way things are, however, I think there's a sufficiently wide number of potential companions that we could be perfectly happy with and reach our best potentials with). I think realizing that is something that, if we, men, achieve, then we can more properly understand our relationships as they are intended.

I don't mean we're to grovel or that we are worthless. I simply mean that I think the kinds of relationships that we are permitted to have the capacity to create and develop are forms of mercy being extended to us beyond our merit. I actually think the mercy of God has some of it's greatest potential manifestation in the relationship between husband and wife. Of course the more both of them aspire to truths, and to fall in line with those truths, the more likely they are to experience of the mercy that is the relationship between man and wife.

Now don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying other relationships are not manifestations of such love from God NOR am I saying that they are lesser forms of the manifestation, necessarily. Rather I feel that marriage between man and woman is one of the most open conduits through which we can obtain some of the sweetest portions with the least amount of actual contribution on our part. Clearly we must contribute. There's no such thing as an entirely passive relationship. Such is not a relationship at all, rather a mechanical interface between a user and an object being used.

Anyway. That's some of today’s thoughts that I had time and desire to put down in pixels.

--Still Searching

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A flower.

She will be/is a beautiful flower.

Monday, January 23, 2006

True to womanhood

She must also be true to womanhood, just as I must be true to manhood.

In all honesty I'm not entirely certain all that either title entails. But I know we must both strive to perfect who we are. This holds as a key aspect our genders.

In fact the more I think about it the more I'm inclined to believe that perfecting, or striving to do such, of our gender is one of the great sources of joy and achievement in this life. So many of us are so tied to seeing those aspects society attributes to each gender and those get overly emphasized, I believe, to the detriment and misdirecting of people against the whole of their gender.

Perhaps this is part of why there's such an attempt to give ambiguity to gender identity. People on all sides are so mistaken in their presumptions as to what is and isn't true manhood or womanhood that they polarize into a fabricated dichotomy in which neither side, of those presented, really understands gender. The true dichotomy, I believe, is between those who are striving to understand and fulfill gender and those who are clinging to whatever dogmatic preconception of gender, pertaining to it's constituency and relevancy, that they may have which conflicts with the true nature of the genders.

So I suppose I found more than I thought I would in spelling out this seeming obvious requisite, at least for myself.

Unfortunately I believe there's so much more that could be touched upon with regard to womanhood and the striving for such that should occur in all women, likewise for men concerning true manhood.

So I suppose I'll think more upon this before I say more on the obtainment of a more perfect and complete womanhood by who ever my future wife may prove to be. Of course I have, as I now realize, an even greater responsibility to discover the nuanced truths that will enable me to more fully fulfill the gender I have. A gender I'm glad to be a part of in light of my own personality, what I've learned thus far of manhood, and my limited knowledge of the fairer sex.

Friday, January 20, 2006

A friend

That's the first thing. She must be a friend. One in the truest sense of the word. I guess since it has connections to "to love" she and I must love each other.

Obviously this means that we (I must be certain on this for myself) must understand, to at least some degree, what love is.

All this clearly will require a leap of faith. For I believe that we all, to some degree, are given love. The faith comes in trusting it, and trusting our discernment of it as such, whenever that may occur in our lives. Rather hard to pin down in words. I'm just glad that words aren't all we have.

Comments welcomed.

I know it's all a bit ambiguous and esoteric when touching words and logical paradigms. Even effort will be appreciated.